Thursday, February 12, 2009

7 Ways of Building Trust in a Relationship

There are ways and there are some more ways of building trust in your relationship. Many a time, what makes a relationship work are not the thoughts that come to us first. If you think that you need to spice things up – you are wrong!

Relationships thrive on predictability and not variety. Look at these seven ways of building trust in your relationship and you will understand how wonderfully they can work:

Predictability – The first and most important. This goes against the most common notion that things need to be “stirred up” to keep the romance alive. Of course, if you are talking about giving a surprise gift or to a new restaurant, it is wonderful. But what we are talking here is about being reliable day in and day out. This is how you build trust in a relationship.

Mean what you say – Ensure your words match what you wish to convey. For example, if you say you are happy but you keep frowning, the message your partner gets is confusing as your body language does not match what you are saying. You have to make your partner trust what you say and this happens only when your words match what you intend to say.

Believe in your partner - You will need to have a belief in the competency of your partner, or else you cannot have trust in your relationship. Trust is based on belief and for you to build trust in your relationship, you will have to believe that your partner is competent.

No secrets – Don’t keep any secrets from your partner. They only end up destroying trust in a relationship. It will be easier to get into the habit of confiding, if you start thinking that your secrets will eventually come out anyway. The problem with keeping secrets is that a lot of energy is needed and you have to actually remember what you said.

Voice your needs – It is crucial to let your partner know what your needs are. You cannot expect her or him to guess what you need. This is something many people tend to do and they are completely wrong. How can you expect your partner to be a mind reader? If you don’t assert what you need, there is the danger of going overboard in the other direction and smother your partner.

Learn to say no – If is a good thing if your partner has the habit of voicing her or his needs. But you don’t have to say “yes” to everything. You cannot gain your partner’s respect if you never say no. Being frank and not subjugating to the other person’s will just to keep them happy, will actually help build trust in your relationship.

Look for growth - Biologically, the clock is ticking anyway. We need to grow in our relationship too. When we plant something, the first thing we do is dig dirt. Yes, if we dig the dirt in our relationship, it does hurt. But, in the long run, we are only preparing our relationship for growth in the future. Be ready to handle all the questions, turmoils, problems in a relationship and don’t shy away from them. These are the fertilizers you need for growth.

Once you make the decision to follow these ways of building trust in a relationship, there is bound to be pain. But, you will realize the extent of happiness that awaits you as you work through all the pain. You will be stronger as a person and you will have the capacity to stabilize your relationship.

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